Where Can I Turn for Peace?
In my church’s hymnbook, there is a song called “Where Can I Turn for Peace?” and it has long been a favorite of mine. Here it is being sung by the Tabernacle Choir, and here is the sheet music.
My mother would have CDs of hymns in the car, and she would play them when she was stressed or otherwise needed to be uplifted. Before CDs it was tapes and before that it was just singing to herself. She showed me how listening to uplifting spiritual music can help in difficult times. This hymn from church was one of those that I heard in our little rusted out car when we were struggling, all those years ago.
Where can I turn for peace?
Where is my solace
When other sources cease to make me whole?
When with a wounded heart, anger, or malice,
I draw myself apart,
Searching my soul?Where, when my aching grows,
Where, when I languish,
Where, in my need to know, where can I run?
Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?
Who, who can understand?
He, only One.He answers privately,
Reaches my reaching
In my Gethsemane, Saviour and Friend.
Gentle the peace he finds for my beseeching.
Constant he is and kind,
Love without end.
I was reminded of this song today as my wife and I sat on the porch and meditated. Things have been difficult, across several dimensions, and I’m struggling to find peace in my mind. I have equipped myself with all my usual tools, including:
Spending more time with my family, especially with my dear wife.
Helping others, such as preparing meals for my disabled sister.
Spending time outdoors, in our beautiful province. I can’t do a lot physically but sitting on a bench and appreciating my surroundings has helped immensely.
Spending time with my friends and catching up with those I haven’t heard from recently.
Reading, and trying to consume more uplifting media.
Meditating. My wife is an excellent example of this and continues to encourage and help me with it.
Praying, which is both formal with my family, and all through the day as I struggle. I’ve never stopped doing this and it is as vital to me as oxygen.
Reading the scriptures and listening to uplifting talks, like this one “Finding Personal Peace”. I need to do better here.
Having regular meetings with my psychologist, who is just amazing especially with her background in people with serious illnesses.
Sometimes, doing everything is still not enough. You need help. You need people around you to help carry the load. This isn’t to pass the load to them, but to allow them to help you carry it. As Captain Jean-Luc Picard said in Star Trek,
"It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness; that is life.”
I feel as though despite my best efforts, my amazing family and friends, and my incredible medical team who looks after me, I am again sinking.
My family is there to help me each day. This includes helping me when I’m in pain. Literally lifting me up when I fall and lifting me up with kindness and compassion. But as my health has continued to decline, I think my pride has gotten in the way for asking and seeking out more help. It’s been hard to accept my decline, and I’m realizing that I need help with more day-to-day things. Some things I just can’t even do any longer, without serious impacts. My therapist says that this isn’t a failure on my part, but just another way of being resourceful in overcoming challenges. This resonated with me, as building software has been my career, and creatively utilizing all possible resources to overcome a challenge is something I have relied on.
The lesson I continue to learn is that I need to keep filling my cup with uplifting things, and to trust those who love me that they are there to help and I only need to ask. I should know this, as service to others has helped me focus less on myself and has eased my suffering. Service has helped me to realize that despite my declining health I can still make a difference in the world.
In the Book of Mormon, which is scripture we use alongside the Bible, it reads:
“Behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.”
“And the Lord God doth work by means to bring about his great and eternal purposes; and by very small means the Lord doth confound the wise and bringeth about the salvation of many souls.”
If you are struggling, please remember that you are not alone, and to look to your loving friends and family for help. If you don’t have those kind of people in your life, remember that there are wonderful people out there who are trained to help. You only need to reach out. You don’t have to wait until it becomes a crisis, so be resourceful if you can and find help.
If you are a friend or a family member of someone who is struggling, please realize you can’t “fix it” but you can help carry the load and be there for that person. Even small things can help someone have a better day, and these small acts can be life changing over time.